Spindrift Beck
603A World Literature
Professor Bump
October 6, 2009
Who Am I?
Psychological Type Analysis
“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night. Let me think, was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same then the next question is: who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle…”
- Alice, from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland
Let me be honest, I was always a strange child; creative, quiet, and not exactly surrounded by friends. A loner, if you will. And after years of putting up with my preference for spending time with an imaginary friend (her name was Jen and she was an orphaned pop-star who played basketball with me in my back yard….) over joining my family for bike rides, cookouts, and normal life, my mom – who is 100% extrovert – decided to read the book The Introvert Advantage. She finally concluded (to her relief) that there was nothing wrong with her daughter’s strange schizophrenic-like penchant for locking herself up in the bedroom after spending hours playing with friends. She accepted my need to be alone as important to my development and even and spoke proudly of my introversion, though I never came to be proud of it myself. The way I saw it, I was different. I could spend time with friends and “turn on” my outgoing, talkative, friendly switch, but I'd rather ‘turn the switch off’ and forgo an afternoon at the country club pool for solitary relaxation on my porch rocking in a chair and thinking on the state of my life thus far. This was weird; I was different and I didn't like it.
Consequently, I had a pretty good feeling about what the results of my taking the Briggs-Meyer test were going to be. I ended up with INFJ: Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging. What I did not know was how enlightening it would be to study the different writing and learning habits of those with my psychological type, and to see how accurately (or, in some cases inaccurately) my own styles were described. Here is what I found:
Let me begin with the characteristics I attribute to my introversion. Since arriving at the University of Texas, my hardest adjustment as an “I type” has been in how I spend my free time. As an extreme introvert (89% according to the Briggs-Meyer test), I crave privacy over almost any other form of existence. Extroverts need people, talking, and constant interaction in order to feel energized and introverts need, well, pretty much the opposite. If I am not able to have my time away from people to think, work, and relax I find myself absolutely exhausted and unable to make myself hang out with friends or people in general. As a student living in a small dorm room and involved in a full workload of classes and swimming, I have little of the alone-time that I so desperately need to get through the day. Consequently, I have found myself biking like a maniac all over campus to find the perfect library in which I can study, listen to music, and just be. I feel as though the college freshmen experience of constantly being with people is causing me to be even less social than I usually am. I can only hope that as the year continues, I can find my own special places on campus to unwind and relax a bit more instead of constantly feeling like my energy is draining away.
Next on the list came my research of the “N type” portion of my psychological test. After exploring descriptions of “iNtuitive types”, I discovered much of what I read to aptly describe the way I behave in everyday life. “[INFJ’s] are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them,” proclaims Keirsey.com of the N portion of the INFJ personality – ‘iNtuition’.[1] This I feel applies to me quite well, though I have not always relished the “gift” – if that’s what I should call it – of being in-tune to others’ true motives and feelings. This side of my personality has brought more harm than good to many of my friendships and has left me with a sharply wary sense of unease around new people. My dad used to joke that I reminded him of our dog, Tara, whose hair on the back of her neck would stand up when she was faced with the prospect of meeting a new dog. I have, however, learned to trust my intuition over the years and feel that it is a blessing in that I know for certain that my closest confidants and friends – of which I have few (another trait of most INFJ’s) – are people I can always trust.
To have a keen intuition about others also allows me to have a heightened sense of self-awareness around others, which I feel is helpful in turning my “extrovert switch” on when in large groups of people so as not to be rude.
The ‘feeling’ portion of this personality type was not a surprise to me - an acute sense of empathy and sensitivity towards others’ feelings has long been a trait I am proud to possess. As a feeling type, I’ve noticed that I often let my feelings influence my decision more than reason. Especially in my sport do I find this to be noticeable – I feel the highest of highs after winning a swim race but am disconsolate often for days after a loss.
In the same sense, my ultra-sensitivity is also evident in my everyday interactions with friends. Many a joke from a friend taken as a perceived slight has left me angry for days and unwilling to express that anger due to my introverted personality. As cheesy as it sounds, my feelings are a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I think I feel too much.
When it comes to my final letter type of “J”, I have to say that having the label of ‘Judging’ bestowed upon me was my biggest immediate fear after taking this test. At the time, I believed ‘Judging’ to be synonymous with being judgmental – a label no one (save judges, perhaps!) would want given to them. However, I soon learned that to be a ‘Judging’ type rather than a ‘Perceiving’ type means mostly that I see things more in black and white and have perhaps a stronger and more unwavering set of values and truths in my life than a perceiver would. Overall, I do see myself as possessing this aspect of my psychological-self, mostly because I do consider myself to have a strong moral compass and to - often to my own disadvantage - fail to understand those who do not. This does conflict a bit with my N and F tendencies – which allow for a great amount of empathy and understanding – perhaps an explanation for why INFJ’s make up less than 1% of the world’s population.
After studying all that I did about my psychological type, I became curious about how my type typically interacts with other types and especially how this might pertain to my World Literature class. I soon learned that, “INFJ’s have a good grasp on the other types present in our class. Her leadership is therefore vital for the success of the group,” explains Saumya Tayi in her Typology Assessment of Instructor and Class.[2] I think Saumya is accurate in this assessment of my psychological type, but I find myself wary (read: scared!) to take on the role of leadership in this – or any – class. Hopefully I can grow into this role a bit and also, as Saumya mentions, “serve as a mediator between people in fierce debate.”[3] If I can learn to exercise these skills in class, I will be able step out of my comfort zone and grow as a student and person into the best INFJ I can possibly be and can enjoy working and learning with each varied psychological type.
When it comes to working well with and learning thoroughly from my World Literature professor, who is an ISFJ, I think we will find it easy to work together this year for the simple reason that both of our types are such that we “need to be needed.”[4] As an ISFJ, Professor Bump wants his students to care about what he’s teaching them and as an INFJ I will either actually care or pretend to so that he is happy! No, I kid! But, I do think that we will be able to work well together, as his type is such that he wants us to all be able to trust and learn from him and my type is such that when I find someone I can trust I really open up to that person creatively and intellectually. My only cause for worry is that my N tendencies will hurt me in my written work. I fear confusing Professor Bump with my lack of explicit examples and more narrative and lyrical style of writing than he probably prefers. I will just have to teach myself to embrace whatever small percentage of S I possess when I write this year!
Let me be honest, I’m still a little strange. But, most gratifying about this test was not that it confirmed most of what I already believed about my personality, but that it made me feel that perhaps it’s not only acceptable to be the way I am, but also possibly praiseworthy. Perhaps I can be an asset to my peers and to my classes in more ways than the traditional ones I’ve been accustomed to. Learning about all the characteristics of being an INFJ in a classroom environment has given me a greater sense of power and a smaller worry about limitations. It has also encouraged me to learn about the ways in which each different type can work together in a harmonious, successful environment. After taking this test and analyzing the results, I have a better grasp of the student, friend, athlete, writer, and learner I can be. I don't know if I've fully accepted the benefits of my 'type' yet, but I do know this: I'm different, and I'm beginning to like it.
The ultimate INTROVERT song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7IO6TVIkL0
Word Count (without quotations) = 1,667
Word Count (with quotations) = 1,708
*neither of these counts includes picture captions*
Picture Captions:
Image #1: (11 year old me, enjoying an introvert’s favorite past-time)
Image #2: (me with my three best friends, shown left)
Image #3: (Below: Me, disconsolate after losing an important race at the 2007 US Open Championships)
[1] Keirsey, "About 4 Temperaments," http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor
[2] Tayi, Saumya. “Typology Assessment of Instructor and Class.” Compostition and Reading in World Literature (Fall 2009): 141.
[3] Saumya, 141.
[4] Saumya, 141.
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